Despite I had always hoped to move out, I always back down after calculating the housing bills and all that, given I had a strong goal to achieve in mind which needs a large amount of money, I was very reluctant to do so. And it became very apparent to me that the housing situation in Taipei is not only bad but expensive, normally without a kitchen. While staying at home was spacious and relaxing and I could shop at Wellcome and cook, all that. Not to mention my grandparents stayed upstairs. I have the prediction in mind that living abroad would be costly, so all I wanted to do was to save up.
Furthermore, I want to go abroad independently, and not using any money from my parents, so I held onto staying at home. However so, I ran into some serious fights with my family which led to me rethinking the options I had. After visiting a couple of houses over the weekend, I really wanted to give up. And considered heavily about cowardly asking for forgiveness, just to stay at home.
My grandma also suggested the same, but on the other hand, friends and mum was encouraging otherwise. Luckily, I found a nice one online and went straight ahead to see the house on the same day. I knew it was it! It’s small but cozy. So I am going after it now. And one can’t believe how excited i am to live alone again. My wallet wouldn’t be so happy though… But what is done is done. Looking forward to a new kind of living!
Teacher said a few things today,
- It is your past that makes you unique. Don’t throw your past away, even if you want to fit into a new environment. Including all the lectures you sat in, it creates you. It’s about your past, you can never surpass your teacher but you will find your niche.
- Assistant researcher is not a long-lasting position, only in research area, but not for work.
- 5-5-5 principle: top 5 schools, just try. And then pick those top 100.
- About SOP:
- You need to write into the case of a long preparation. A sudden rush of interest doesn’t demonstrate persistence and coherence to a goal.
- Be a little emotional but not too much.
- Do some homework about the lab and researchers first.
- God will filter some for you already.
- Learning and memory he said before: like Hebbian learning??
- phd is a huge investment, and something will happen in between sometimes.
- Get masters first and approach to see how they do things. Then work there for a couple of years.
Music concerts. Going to a concert in December! Only paid 1500 NTD for the first row. Nowadays it’s so hard to get a first row under the price of 2000
How sad is that. Despite the price seems to show how well an artist may be, based on how popular and such. But that also sets a barrier to the audiences.
You are only less negative, but not positive.
- 要記得，出去是很簡單的（有錢就可），如何留下來，以及如何融入當地，如何快樂的活著，才是各憑本事。Nothing is wasted among the preparing, just because you can’t see it now, doesn’t mean it’s worthless.
Recent life in brief,
- Went to 鼎泰豐 and the top of Taipei 101 yesterday with the vice president of ISSU, who is also the secratary of IUPsys. It was tiring but seeing the view and wind damper was nice.
- Went for a run the next morning, having went home very late last night and been walked for some time, I wasn’t feeling my best, and even was only considering to go or not. But later I went and then during the last round, two old men caught up with me and he said one of them was the champion of many long runs. So I ran with them and found them run in a super high speed…. Then we reached the gate and I said I would like to go home because i needed to go to work. But he said come run with me one more round and he promises me it will make a big difference in my training for the rest of the trainings. so I went, and I regreted immediately after only 200m. God they were fast. I was struggling whether to tell him I wanted to stop. But I didn’t I held them back but I slowed down eventually. He said training would be better if I went into the mountains. I haven’t felt such a challenge for some time. It was damn fast. I only want to finish the run… Never thought of giving myself such a challenge.
It’s been a week holiday for me.
Rarely do I have such a long vacation.
I did some shopping and some traveling, and realized, god, it’s so expensive to live a decent life as a woman in Taiwan.
So, to start off with. I purchased some skincare products since it was the discount season of the year and I was running out of them. I bought 3 items, a face mask, an essence and a toner, which amounts to 4500 NTD, and then I came across the bookstore, where I bought four books, which adds up to 2500 NTD, and that makes it 7000 NTD already.
Then i went to Yilan, the 2 nights fee were 1200 NTD, with some souvenirs, food… that is 2500 NTD in total.
Today, I went to buy a new pillow since the one i brought back from Sweden and have used for 5 years is broken, it cost me 700 NTD along with the pillow case to fit the size. Finally, my bras were all old and unfit somehow, and were mostly gift from my aunt, mother, or otherwise of cheap price from H&M, so i wanted to get I better one, since I need to wear it everyday, and the heat of summer is killing me. So the high end one from Calvin Klein cost almost 3000 NTD, luckily I got some discount, but still not cheap. i bought two.
Just over a holiday without anything really luxurious, all kind of to sustain a better living had cost me half of my monthly salary. I looked down upon my broken running shoes that i ‘ve worn for 5 years now… When will I ever get a new one…
The living cost is same as Japan or Europe but the salary is NOT!!
Life is hard!
I have noticed whenever I watched a movie with the background of either the UK or Sweden, I can’t help but think why am I still here?
It was Kingsman this time.
Soaking in all the elements of the movie makes me wander back into the culture , into their thoughts, and into my deep self. It’s what i have been searching for, searching for, searching for… ever since coming back. Like the salmon, trying to find it’s way back up stream, struggling and struggling, while other fish could jump or fly, I still struggle in the middle of nowhere. Not knowing if I’ll ever make it.
Sometimes, I just feel helpless, hopeless, and isolated, on this lonely pathway, feeling I’ve stepped onto others’ territory. Denied and lonely. I will never be able to conquer that mountain. Sometimes, I just want to close my eyes and wake up where I want to be, easy as that. But never. It seems to take forever, year by year.
Then I hear the ringing of that song, the song that symboled strength and the song that always gave me power, and driven my attention from the tons of frustration onto my goals. I must look forward. A depressing mind won’t help me go faster. I have some concrete goals to achieve, I have a future to live, I have my path to follow, no matter what it takes. What do I need what do I need……? And I look at my hands, I listen to my mind, I count the path… what are the odds? How much better can I make the odds in my favor? How I wish the following year could pass by faster. Because just one more year, just one more year and the real challenges will start. It’s not the end, and it’s not even the beginning…… I’m getting there.
I used to be someone who gives up easily on things that are difficult, for whatever reasons, but the more I know about what I want and what I deserve to own and intentionally striving for what I want to become, giving up has become one of the hardest thing ever, and sometimes I go beyond what I am capable of handling, the pressure, the hardships, the mental toughness. I would keep on going no matter what.
Giving up has become the hardest thing ever, because I’m not there yet, yet I know I will.