Chasing time and trend

Heavy and light.

The strength of ocean waves and the weight of a feather.

Yesterday was Harry’s oral defense, learned a lot from the discussions.

Especially in methodology, Harry used step-wise regression but resulted in 32 variables, which was considered by one teacher that it’s too much, whereas another teacher directly proposed machine learning, tree-something and cnn and video analysis to see a person’s face.

And the R square would increase immediately.

Afterwards, teacher came and told us about how it’s important to be the first who goes against the wind. Many technologies, you need to be the first or the leading ones. Becasue that’s how people from the outside world would inspect your work.

Teacher is willing to spend a lot of money to become one of the best labs in doing this.

As I was listening to him and the ambitious for acheiving all this, I felt a sudden drive of excitement, but also needed to stop and think how would this be helpful?

Need also to read a lot of papers and recall my memory of statistics, regression, linear and nonlinear and ANOVA. It always become an obstacle when reading papers.

Other than that I need to think about how can I test my experiments to make it valid. Right now it seems a bit specific. Material wise. Although we are aiming for the fmri, I don’t think it’s simply the answer to everything.n Catch up Whitney, catch up.

 

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Life is hard

最近覺得人生好難,看到好多障礙好多阻礙,也不確定說是不是健康的。

不由得讓我懷疑自己如此負面的情緒到底是從哪裡長出來的?

從…許多無法說出口的憤怒、從找不到歸屬感的不安定、從面對不公平卻無能為力、從人生中各種令人難過失望的口語承受著龐大而沈重的負擔。

每次都在回味小時候的我、在瑞典的我,那個天真充滿幻想充滿希望的女孩跑哪裡去了,

不想變得市儈、不想長大變成熟、不想……但是once bitten twice shy,是人存活的自然機制,

其實超級害怕還要告訴自己勇敢,尤其對於敏感的人來說好困難。

想要卻做不到,知道與其花時間難過,還不如一步一步執行有意義的事。

但是就是知易行難。

要是我勇敢的時候你們可以多點支持多好,
要是我需要的時候你們可以在多好,

即使我現在偶爾抗議,你們仍聽不進去我求救的話語,我想找回小時候不敢爭取的權利。只要你們說了解,同理,其實我很好安撫,但你們總只看到你們有給予的,我當然感恩,但是卻於事無補,你們無法知道我需要的是什麼因為你們只看到自己。真的,即使你們所做的一切都有你們的正當理由,但你們卻看不到我的傷口。也許你們看來是無病呻吟,但是我知道那是傷口,因為他很痛很痛。是我偶爾跌倒時無法堅強站起來的弱點 阿基里斯的腳踝。

 

健康的人類是後天產生的,

心志決定一切

你們不懂人生但我(覺得)我懂,所以痛苦,

覺得事情不應該像這樣發展,想要抵抗卻又無能為力,有時候就是這麼的絕望,

想要放棄垂死掙扎,說不定還比較簡單一點

偏偏我就是固執,所以痛苦。

人生好難。