Life is tough 機會命運

I hate to admit it. I have always remained very positive and believed everything happens in the best possible way. Only until now, things are sort of messed up and the chances of the road taken or not becomes very crucial, as I age and as I need to become more independent of my own bills and future life planning, but still, I kept reminding myself what seems like a disaster and what hurts the most now might be the most valuable things in the future.

But apparently my appeal letter worked out well. It’s a late justice and couldn’t be more late. The whole system is stupid and unfair, there’s a huge value gap between countries and obviously, when we apply to something on a different continent, we need to apply our rules to their rules. It’s not so obvious for them to see however, because something they may value that I have is not valued in my country and therefore they cannot see the values that I hold applies to theirs, so the best way out is to apply to both rules. Which doubles the difficulty, but unfortunately, that’s how it is. If one doesn’t confine to the rules, chances are that you are not to be seen.

What can I learn from this? I should stop being naive and believe the road will straighten itself as I cross the path.

Sometimes I am very naive, because that’s when you become open minded to try and to give yourself the ability to fail as well. Which I think is valuable because that’s when something you want really happens.

But naive come with a cost and a price, and I come to realize naive is for those who have the capital to. Which is more and more so as the income gap is increasing not only within the country but also across different continents and across different countries. And naive is only for those who are rich enough to. I cannot be that do whatever I want anymore. I need to count and need to take up the responsibility. Sad and realistic as it is and as I have never been, I still need to face it.

Life is tough. But you will be stronger after you fight against it and make a difference to benefit others. Keep carry on, hold to your ground.

A long time ago paper…how long is mystery

  1. It’s pure boring
  2. You can’t endure another minute.

I thought I belong to the first one, but truly, there is no idol or motivation for me to follow upon. I can’t see where I am ending up.

Whatever pain means nothing when you are going your own path, and it doesn’t matter where you will land on on the path.

Show your determination and no one will stop you

If you are not painful enough, you are not gaining either.

有捨才有得

Love yourself

從結果回推,現在做的事情再怎麼就會有意義

send the data visualization link

Do it take the chances. 不是對自己負責的問題

Motivation is difficult to find, making it visible is easier.

Give yourself time limit to decide things

 

Go far, go together

Making decisions is never easy

As much as I found myself once again lost amidst memories and the future and where I am now.

I reminded myself again why I am here, I realized in order to fully enjoy. I needed something more concrete, a more concrete idea of the future and myself, my role in this research. And enjoy each and every step I take. Keep moving and keep working with a good imagination and future framework of what I can be of.

Life is not the moments of breath you take, it’s the moments that take your breath away.

It’s not easy and I think more and more, but not necessarily a bad thing.

The meaning of failures and ambiguity

The rich should always be aware of their privileged lives. A thought that suddenly popped out when I saw people writing on fb and social media.

I am on the way of experiencing failures and being constantly tested for my resilience. Isn’t this also a privilege? Have the chance to experience failure and toughness, knowing that it can all change someday. Knowing that we have choices and chances.

Well, it can all seem gloom and hopeless at some point, and one can experience the darkest moments and depression. But, luckily, we have each other fighting together. This may be the one chance of a lifetime. We are doing what we are supposed to do at our age, only slightly bitter than those at a better position. But what is there to be envious of?

Would you take someone else’s life instead? Or the easier path you could have taken? No, I’d say. I’d still take the chances, and the winded road, just because I know I can. I know there’s something better waiting for me at the end of the road. If it’s not better, it’s not the end!

Trading with happiness?

活在當下有時候真的是最難的一件事情,不斷計畫思量擔心著未來,

昨天與爺爺奶奶慶生,才突然想到小時候,爺爺奶奶多希望我快快樂樂地,快樂的就好。

但是現在還是想河流中的滾石,

發現媽媽無可救藥的樂觀也是很必要的。因為就是這麼苦中作樂才過得下去。

羨慕時不如想像自己現在就在那種有陽光灑進來的寬敞庭園裡,

種種花草

輕盈的享受當下,

再讀讀書進步一點

再讀讀閒書,

在傍晚出去運動,

晚上煮個飯,

飯後洗澡再看點書,

人生可以每天這麼規律就好了。

說起來好簡單。

心境需要更高層次的寧靜。

 

Maybe meditate and cleaning up the room, buying a plant is a good first step.

Once in a lifetime…another kind

My wisdom tooth-removal surgery experience.

另類的人生中唯一。

總之,我在2017年3月30日拔掉人生最後一顆必須拔的智齒。還有一顆但是不礙事。

必須分享我的各種五味雜陳慘痛經驗……

This would possibly be the most practical article on my blog.

瑞典回台灣後,2013年底後方牙齒偶爾會腫痛,因此就去檢查,發現是沒有長出來的智齒,也就是稱為阻生齒(因為沒有長出來)與前一顆牙齒形成不好清潔的角度,所以建議我拔除,照了x光後,發現我下排智齒的牙根都跟神經有交錯,要是直接拔除有可能導致臉部麻痺。醫生就建議兩階段拔除,可是要自費三萬元……非常貴。

1.拔右智齒牙冠

好吧,醫生都這麼說了就拔吧,先拔了右方牙齒的牙冠,拔牙之前的實習醫生前來幫我打麻醉,他很溫柔的提醒我他要打麻醉了,要我深呼吸,所以麻醉就沒有感覺那麼不舒服,一提醒我打了之後會苦苦的腫腫的,過幾分鐘後,醫生就會過來測試,沒感覺之後就會開始動手術了。第一次沒有經驗,拔完後還去上課,而且拖了兩個小時才把棉花吐掉,超級痛!因為麻醉兩三個小時後退,我還記得上課上到覺得暈眩,覺得快死了,痛感完全超出我的預期以及能掌控的範圍lol

結果,過了兩三天臉變超級腫,吃東西什麼的都很不方便,而且第一次拔沒有預期會有這種狀況,才急急忙忙開始冰敷,其實已經晚了。所以連續兩三天冰敷,而且那時候超擔心我的臉會腫一輩子…。

2. 拔右智齒牙根

後來就開始進行矯正,每兩個禮拜去矯正一次,會有實習醫師幫我換線,印象中記得實習醫生都很帥。每次會拉緊一點,拉了兩個多月後,才再把牙根拔出來,我永遠不會忘記最後手術的醫生拔得多用力,用力到我的頭都在晃動,拔到一半還越來越痛,所以趕緊補了麻醉,感覺得出來連醫生都拔得很苦惱,害我心驚膽戰的,一直祈求智齒趕快鬆脫!整個手術過程有四十多分鐘,非常久。後來就回家休息。這次學乖,回家馬上冰敷,臉就沒有第一次那麼腫了,雖然我覺得拔牙根的殺傷力還是比牙冠大,畢竟比較深。這次的男實習醫生非常親切,大大降低了我的不安與疼痛感,他甚至提醒我現在的時間明確告訴我一個小時後幾點要吐掉棉花。我覺得醫生的親切與溫柔對手術患者的心情影響程度差很多。

術後想到還有另一邊要拔,就覺得要重新經歷這一切實在是太折騰人了,因此能拖一天是一天的感覺。

3. 拔左智齒牙冠

事隔三年2016年底,左邊的智齒也開始發炎,當時也想出國唸書因此心一樹,想說一不做二不休,就拔掉另外一邊吧。

結果這次也沒好過到哪裡去…手術前打麻醉的實習醫生是我看過最沒同理心的一名,她打麻醉前都不會像之前的實習醫生親切告知,或是告訴我要預期的東西。他摸了摸我嘴巴後就直接一針刺下去了,不預期的疼痛感把我嚇到快哭了,而且過沒幾秒又來一針,他收手後,我問是不是還要再打,他好像認為我不想再打了,說對還要再打一次,然後很突然的又一針下去。拔除牙冠後,就直接滿嘴血去照x光跟裝矯正器….術後整排牙床的半邊腫了兩週後才消,等於是經過五、六天已經可以咬合後,還無法咀嚼東西,因為牙床太腫,會痛。拆線的時候也跟醫生確認這是不是可以回覆的,醫生說是因為智齒的角度太難拔了,所以會這樣。總之這次拔牙經驗很糟,讓我手術後覺得滿腹的委屈感(疼痛感會增加這種感受)。

後來還好慢慢好了….開始矯正、矯正….

4. 拔左智齒牙根

到了可以拔的時候,又拖了兩週…要拔的當天來不及刷牙,因此跟家牙實習醫生反應沒有刷牙,因為拔牙前要先到家牙科去把矯正器拆掉,實習醫生說沒關係,但是也沒幫我清理,我就問能否幫我洗牙,他就說幫我局部清,也就是要拔牙的那邊,但是我自覺手術後應該是會痛到無法刷牙,直接睡覺,就要求手術前先讓我刷個牙(還好我有帶牙刷來)。刷完牙後就手不停顫抖,超害怕。想盡量拖延做好心理準備….有了以前的經驗,要不害怕都難。但手術時還是一直跟自己講不要害怕,勇敢一點,把緊皺的眉頭鬆開,但是雙腳的肌肉倒是很老實的用力縮緊,彷彿隨時要面對緊急狀態逃跑 lol

前往口腔外科後,跟護士說我牙根上穿洞的鐵絲要拔牙時拿掉,因為肉長出來了,無法在家牙科處理。後來簽名、簽名、簽名同意手術,就開始了,手術前超希望有人可以陪著我,可以讓我牽著手。由於有了上次拔牙冠實習醫生沒有告知要打麻醉的經驗,讓我嚇個半死,我就有主動請實習醫生要打麻醉時告知。實習醫生也就很親切一如往常的告知。一切都可預期。後來手術中間,聽到主治醫生說這個拉太久了,骨頭長太好,(心裡OS:那我每兩個禮拜回診是假的嗎orz) 感覺到他大力挖牙齒出來,跟實習醫生說不要拖太久,頭又在晃的感覺,當下就覺得天哪,又要拖很久才會康復了…後來半個小時就好了,這次算快的了。

還好,這次四、五天就可以咬合了,牙床也沒有像上次腫起來,有了以往的經驗這次更按照標準流程冰敷、熱敷、飲食、清潔。復原得蠻好的。

奇怪小心得:1.拔牙手術前不要重訓,身體會太有力,手術中緊張時全身會更用力。更抑制不住想起身逃走的衝動,因為身體狀態太好了lol。這是真的。

2.要拔牙真的可以比一下兩三家,不要像我魯莽行事…

Finally, and most importantly, my teeth will behave well till I die after all those suffering.

Imagination

 

 

 

 

 

If there was one thing I had to choose not to give up on, it would be imagination.

And as I had always believed is important: I will always go back whenever I had the time to is to remind myself why I am where I’m at.

I read about a friend putting on her social media the other day what Einstein had to say about imagination and it’s such an awakening bell. Because imagination is vital no matter what you are doing.

Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution. It is, strictly speaking, a real factor in scientific research.

-Einstein

Learn the tools and materials, and see what you can do with them.

 

A happy man is too satisfied with the present to dwell too much on the future.

-Einstein

Which I really think I need more patience now. I should not dwell too much on the future while I can’t even live the present well. Which is not how a happy man should live like.

[I do not] carry such information in my mind since it is readily available in books. …The value of a college education is not the learning of many facts but the training of the mind to think.

-Einstein

Sometimes seeing how people think reminds you of why they are doing what they do.

Resource:https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Albert_Einstein