My dad

My dad has a really strong personal view on certain things.

Here, I would like to talk about his view on success.

He looks down upon many things. Happiness to him is just an illusion, and meaningless. He refers to it as “Very good self perception”(自我感覺良好). He thinks I am an incorrigible optimist. And that I am cheating on myself as if everything is fine when it’s not.

Eating at a good restaurant, seeing nice exhibitions etc. in his eyes are like those people who just rushes to somewhere famous just because everyone else is talking about it. And he referred those to me and my mom. Sometimes I wonder where’d it went wrong? How can he become so parted away from us? Why does he not know us and even refuses to understand.

He has a very hierarchy view on social realities. Those who need to work under other people are losers. And he is (although he constantly resists to admit) a very arrogant person even to family members. He would spit out the most unbearable words to one in the face without worrying what it might cause even to the closest people.

I know he is saying this to warn us how horrible the reality is and probably to show he knows best. But the truth is I’m the only one in my family who’s been out there working in business. He’s spent his life in the academic world. And had often times wished he had another option, but also perplexed to say so because he has already a very good occupation in a university. Which was a path chosen by his father and because that’s what every other students did at that time, to go abroad and study and become a researcher, a professor.

Currently he’s blaming on me about not listening to his suggestions and that everything’s too late to be fixed. I am here to take on my wrong decisions. Well, as a child of his. I have learned to shut down certain voices around me to keep myself up and going. If I were to start crying for myself. I know everything would only be worse. So, I don’t understand the purpose he said that. As you know, he often speaks without thinking.

Cursing, blaming, and disparaging on others without thinking is always easier than to communicate and can even make one feel he/she is superior as he/she is belittling the surrounding. But when you feel you are the whole world, you trap yourself in your own illusion, you don’t listen, nor do you feel for others. That is how all the conflicts and misunderstanding raises, is it not?

I feel very thankful for every step I have taken, I take on full responsibility for every decision I have made and although I am not completely happy about where I am, I know my path more clearly and certainly, because I am here to go the distance, not for a single shallow fame. I don’t have recognition or a huge title which I have used to. But I have never felt so confident about myself and I have worked hard for it. I do not feel sorry or leave regrets. I do not need a title I cannot live up to. I need one when I’m good enough and it will come naturally by then and I will know it.

Peace and calm

My dad used to tell me, not to surf too much on the Internet during the summer vacation of Junior high. “Time slips away fast, don’t you think?”

Nowadays, I come to see it’s about surfing the internet mindfully. And not to lose yourself someway in the middle, where you open that gossip page one linking to another.

I do however find surfing the internet fascinating, perhaps it’s because of the unpredictable things you get to find? But on the other hand, it’s really energy consuming. And sometimes, no matter how interesting it gets, I feel the need to shut it down and move on. I feel the initial stage of gaining information without producing good work out of it is taking up 90% of my time which shouldn’t have been the case.

Ineffectiveness is troubling. And leads back to time managing. I don’t know why I’m writing an article for this actually, maybe I just want to let myself note this as urgent top priority problem.

Willpower

As I have started to teach English again, I accidentally encountered a note I printed out for myself roughly an year ago. It is a ted talk about Willpower.

Reviewing it again, I completely agree in all the points made and mentioned, but just like math theories, the application process is the challenging part. The theory extracts the most simple, undefeatable rules to go by. Many theories probably could lead to building up a model in a more complicated domain, such as economics. But life, is probably the most complicated and non reproducible products, even experiences cannot be exactly traced.

For me, at this stage, there are two most critical things to be considerately thought of. First, it is the values of the things I do, what am I here to offer and what I love, sounds cliche, but once you’ve done something invaluable, you understand that cliche is a cliche for some good reasons. Second, the goal in life. Absolutely one can be fascinated in everything, unfortunately that can lead you nowhere if one cannot really dive deeper, and to dive deeper involves courage, to develop courage involves passion.

The values… What are you mainly contributing everyday? and what are you doing? what’s your duty? does it make you feel great? does it keep you excited?

The goal… Where do you wish to end up in? Can you keep working towards the goal? Is it difficult enough to achieve? Is it worthwhile?

“The goal can be vague, but you must be on the right direction.” Quote from Seresa.

Why did I leave?

  1. The value and daily stuff don’t matter to me. Too stupid way of doing inefficient stuff that could potentially be substituted by computers.
  2. I hoped that I could be analyzing perhaps the weather the sea level or things that actually matter, instead of a profitable purpose and human that changes over time.
  3. It was too easy, less challenging, as I had studied for statistics and math. The level of sophisticated math inclusion was at a much lower level. I knew what I needed to do, but just couldn’t bother to execute.

What I learned

  1. The main reason I stayed was because of Seresa’s spirit. She was a very reliable character.
  2. In addition to reliable, she could always sense the business opportunities.
  3. Staying at a very structured and even slightly rigid organisation often causes me to be reluctant to do more things than I needed to. But having worked here for over ten years, Seresa is still very active in learning the new knowledge and techniques. She is never really affected by the surroundings. She does things and does things right. Once you have been there, you know this is probably the most underrated action. So much easier said than done.
  4. Seresa is very organized. And also she would never bother to do the trivial things just to make managing the more complicated work in the future more easily, which obviously no one could see it coming at the time.
  5. She manages time so well.

What I was thinking of during idling at work

  1. How nice it would be if I could be writing stuff, that I could create not from a company level, but to really show myself.
  2. I wish to work with people with more spirit and holds the same value as me.
  3. I hate doing copy and paste, working so stupidly and so non-irreplacable.
  4. I wish I could make decisions myself instead of needing to report to another.
  5. I hope I could do things that makes me feel great. And I wish to work at a more dynamic, vibrant and diverse place.

—————————-

As discussed with mr.K

Map the goals and check out the requirements for each, and find out the common requirements to get yourself going.

Set for yourself a time schedule, otherwise the time will slip away fast.

I wish to have some income, I wish to live outside,

Know-how is difficult at some certain barrier, that is why not many people cross the barrier and become professionals. But so is domain knowledge, which means, know-how becomes a domain knowledge at some point.

Be careful to not become a tool-person. Tool person:= Being used as a tool because you have know-how. Having ideas and passion helps you to leap over the barrier. Knowing the character and what work you are surrounded upon is important.

Skills are still very important because you have to do things hands on. Your boss will not do it for you, otherwise.

  1. Pixar
  2. Journalism – the Guardian
  3. domain domain domain makes you irreplaceable