To adapt is a good thing, butI feel I am too adaptable to any environment, eh?
My colleague which is also my junior, told me she had posed to resign today to her supervisor. And it stroke me hard, because I always thought I would leave all so soon, but the fact is that I am not quitting yet. We have talked a lot together. She said she wanted to work in a team that needs to spread ideas and communicate. She prefers a vibrant working space, not like what we are doing in our own little individual space with our only friend-computer. And I totally felt her. I felt the same. I hated the tedious work, I hate doing things like a human computer, repetitive and silently. I have wanted to resign since the day I came.
But how have I changed? Now I am able to finish my work before my supervisor needs to assign me the tasks. I am detailed enough to prevent mistakes and I can find different methods to help speed up my work, and boost efficiency so Ii don’t have to work crazy hours. But am I really enjoying it?
Maybe I am too adaptable, or maybe my supervisor has a good attitude toward work that I can learn from despite I think her goal is too small, and I honestly would never ever want to be like her.
I had an insomnia from 4.30 am last night. Could be the effect of my exercise that started ended at 7 last night, or my immense walking around during the day. But anyhow, I got to do some reflection of myself, a little bit. Mia’s in Sweden now. And I can’t help but think what has happened in the past two years.
I miss Sweden and Europe to the utmost for sure, but I have no intentions to go back yet. I feel there’s so much more I have to figure out still.
While being awake in bed in the middle of the night. I heard neighbors screaming and shouting and things smashing, which is terrifying. And makes me miss the quiet nights in Sweden.(due to the sparse population)
I looked back at my “Fem år days bok” and realized I was happy though lost but full of hope towards the future by the end of my journey in Sweden. And after that, I have been working hard, very very hard towards my goal to get away in a better position. I had time to myself and most of the time I was studying. I just ran for it. And I did a lot of exercise to the stage that I have never been more satisfied and fully conscious about myself, mentally and physically. But happy? Probably not exactly.
I was satisfied to the point that I had to take every step so careful to maintain it and get to my goals as fast as possible. I came to a point where I seemed lost again however (See, just like running, how important is it to maintain consistent with your mind, being mindful in your actions). So I sought for a different way to go. I started to work. And as disappointing as it may seem I am starting to slow down and it is something I don’t see much meaning to. It absolutely does help me in a certain way but not satisfyingly.
Last night I had insomnia, and I know I am going to be painfully sleepy later, I still woke up early to leave some time and energy to myself. Don’t know if it’s a stupid thing to do..