My buddy said this to me when I was completely frightened by the things waiting ahead of me. It was always the case.
But when I eventually lost all my excuses and accomplish the tasks one by one bit by bit, sometimes the results and the task doesn’t turn out as miserable as it seemed to be in the first place out of my pure imagination.
Yes, I failed and failed and failed and yet again. I was strong before but I feel the strong wall built by my motives and positivity is shattering down… I feel the weakness and darkness deep inside, so fragile. Since when had I felt so weak? I have not yet proved anything, not in my academics area, not in my faith of holding on, not being strong… Am I choosing to neglect? Am I choosing to escape now? Am I? Do I dare face it once again? Sometimes, in fact often times, I feel extremely vulnerable to the sounds and voices of people around me, what they are bossing about, what they are looking at, what they are murmuring, what they are whispering to each other…
Now I realize another downside of dense population: Everything you do is under some sort of spectrum. Even if it’s pure imagination, the pressure remains. It’s already hard enough, could you for god’s sake just let me face it alone?
But all of a sudden, I realized my heart, my own self-confidence is doing this all to me. Were I strong enough, I wouldn’t care. Were I happy and positive enough, it would all disappear. My mind is making me fear the surroundings, it’s telling me stories about a girl of failure, my heart is making up the story that I. will. fail.
But no! Why? Why do you scare yourself away? It does’t help in the least. Why torture yourself? You get to choose. You get to decide whether you are going to be a coward or not. So please, fight against that little monster inside of you. Maybe there are people out there trying to call it out, for whatever intentions they my have. You know you are the one in charge of your body, soul and mind. Please take back the control of yourself, please please please be strong again. Think of the positivities in life, think of those beautiful memories to stay awake and alive, do not shut your eyes, do not shut your ears, do not GIVE UP.
No matter how hard and tough it seems, you know it’s never the end, slow and steady wins the race, you know that.
Listen to your heart, there is something calling you, that’s your conscience. You know you CAN and you HAVE TO.
What do you want for life?
I want to be happy.
What is “happiness” to you?
It is to get to the goal to do what I had wanted to do all my life. And live with a healthy state of mind and body. And be surrounded with the people I love. I want to be free as well. I want to travel, I want to know people from all over the world.
How can you get it?
I don’t know………………………
But I know that if I give up, I will never reach it.