Money

Yes, money.

I never thought money would be of any problem, but it did shake me to the core that I had to pay over half of my savings for only an advance tuition payment.

Seems that I don’t recognize how difficult it is to have money when you suddenly need a lot. You think you’ve been saving up, but actually it’s never enough! Hurray capitalism for making life so difficult for a third world country citizen!

And I always do not understand how some of my college professors can refer to Taiwan as a first world developed country when it really isn’t! They live in a pink bubble I suppose.

That’s when you realize how ill paid you are! How poor your country is! How poor you are! It’s so many times harder for us to study abroad. Respect to all those students and survivors abroad who managed it all by themselves. Seriously, the risk taking this time is one of the hardest ever in my life! Some say if you feel uncomfortable that’s because you’ve been too comfortable all the way up to now. And I think that is the case for me.

Life is unpredictable, who’d have known going abroad would become so much more difficult for me at the age of 26. But you have to carry on all responsibilities and know that all you have is you and your skills. Leave the entertainments for later lafe, and save up to break through your life bottle neck for now. Remember, you’ve been tough up till now, what’s the point of not trying whatsoever.

 

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Violin – 6 months

The end of February marks the six-month mile-stone learning of my playing the violin.

It’s crazy how time pasts, but wonderful when you are doing the thing you love.

That’s how I felt with the violin.

So much techniques to pick up, and I can’t emphasize more my love for my teacher. It’s not uncommon in the learning progress that despite you love the thing, you just get tired of it once in a while. Same with me and my violin, but my teacher controls the difficulty which doesn’t make me stressed out, and every Saturday going to her class makes me love the violin again and a bit more. It’s amazing. She is such a craftsman, and you can see how she slowly unfolds all the things to watch out for. One by one. I love all the details she cares for, neatly and delicately.

I always feel so motivated learning again.

Up to now: I wish to mark down my progress so far.

  1. I had a very hard time to relax my left hand. It’s always tense and my hand is small, so I have to reach out moving my hands to allow my fingers to press the notes. 比較雜的內容改用中文寫好了XD
  2. 關於左手每當我要用小指按弦,因為搆不到,我的整隻手會緊繃,手腕會往外撐,食指會往後伸,結果反而更按不到了,我慢慢學會手掌可以往小指方向延伸,協助小指按到弦,這樣才是對的,而且按到了之後,整隻手瞬間把重心都放在小指上才能把音按的飽滿。拉快曲的時候這比較有問題,所以要再熟練這個瞬間的motion.
  3. 關於Vibrato:這應該是接下來半年,當左手案弦都沒問題,很穩的時候可以開始練習抖音,抖音是小提琴的靈魂啊,好想趕快學會。雖然wrist vibrato比較簡單,但是我想從arm vibrato開始學,穩穩的前後移動vibrato才會strong而且比較受控。
  4. 弓的分配:這是演奏時最需要動腦的一部分了。尤其是圓滑線幾個音符一起拉的時候,要每個音分配一樣長度的弓固定每首曲子弓的分配以及上下弓,有助於練習一樣的技巧。尤其是轉弦的時候遇到圓滑線不要停頓要聽起來是一樣的,這個需要多練習,不只要熟悉轉弦的角度,也要訓練不要緊張(左手案弦要夠熟練)才會夠圓滑。以及推弓讓下個音有足夠的弓長可以拉較長的音符。
  5. 大小聲:這也跟拉弓有關,一般弓拉得快就是大聲,慢就是小聲,但有時候弓要拉得快但是要小聲,必須確定所有弓毛都緊貼著弦,是垂直的。這個要注意小聲歸小聲,但必須不能有虛虛的聲音,音還是飽滿的。所以必須用弓的壓力來控制。尤其是下弓。因為上弓很容易自然越來越小聲,但下弓容易破掉。
  6. 轉弦:需要再多練練!注意每個弦互轉的最小角度,練習8字拉弓。這個好重要,無法強調更多了。
  7. 右手手腕:這除了與圓滑有關,也跟轉弦很有關,手腕接上手指也可以更精細的控制弓,這個我有慢慢掌握技巧了,好開心。

So these are the main points. Can’t wait to learn more and perform someday.

Missing all the fun

Can’t believe I’d be feeling this. But I do.

Feeling so empty inside, feeling drained and hollow.

I’ve missed all the fun, all the laughs, all the love included. My friends.

I’ve missed living in where I am, right at the moment.

I’ve been wandering.

Working crazily hard was one reason, not balancing myself.

But also, feeling tired and stressed that I let go of my plans.

Easily just dropped my routine and spend all my energy on worrying without doing enough to tackle the core of the problem.

I want one thing, but my action does another.

They do not meet each other, same way when my heart says one thing, my mouth speaks another.

I am trying to stay consistent, to hold myself together, but it’s falling apart.

Life’s been dragging me along.

I felt quite lost when I started to think of the next step, because I’ve been so focused on practicing my work that I didn’t stay consistent with how I felt at each and every moment and eventually parted at some point.

But I honestly need to pull it together.

Starting by making myself happier, consistent and making the right choices.

Calm and steady Whitney, calm and steady.

2018 戊戌狗 Lunar New Year

這個放假結果什麼工作都沒有做,

倒是追了不少劇,

看了Westworld 以及 Bridge of Spies, 因為火車做太多了,只能看電影打發時間。

結果就深深著迷,先是看了第一季全部十集的暴雷內容,又把一到七集影片+第十集影片給趕完了,

但是報完雷後好看度真的下降不少……沒有看第一集時的緊張刺激感。

但是第十集看完還是滿滿的震撼,

好劇情會讓你思考自己。

這部戲就是這樣,

我們與機器人有何異,

suffering, searching purpose, searching meaning.

Funnily, they were looking for consciousness, but we human might not even have completely free will, to be completely objective, according to a book I read some time ago – Wij Zijn Ons Brein(We are our brain).

We live subject to our contents, our “backup stories”, so to say in the series.

For example, Ms. G. The world she sees and the world around her makes her feel special, what she’d achieved given her hard work made her feel special.

Mr. D on the other hand, subject to the rules, of family, and of tradition, of society.

We clearly have our own programing, we’re living our day to day lives as a loop.

Not all can break free. That’s why we admire those who have great passion and purpose.

They look different in their eyes.

Some are set up to do so. But mostly are not.

It takes a great emotional feedback to learn and to remember to function into consciousness. Perhaps free will builds on top of that.

To be continued…

I’m tired and tomorrow’s the end of the holidays (noooo)

 

2.21

Ok, where was I?

After crazily going after the series yesterday, I still read a few recap on the story to understand more. The timeline is so messy and hints are so vague, that the whole story is presented as a maze itself. The audience is figuring out just as hard as the hosts themselves… But that’s what films and stories are for, to puzzle you and challenge your emotions so that one gets enthralled. And desires for more, when you feel it’s there, it disappears again. Like a game as well, only more artfully. until finally everything unwraps and is connected.

 

——Spoiler alert—–

Back to the story. There are so many layers to the story that you need to unfold while centering a simple message. I don’t quite like the concept of “finding a maze”, however, I feel it had fallen cliche over the years. But it was very delicately unfolded as all the pieces come together. I do find some tiny problematic parts however….. for example the mib appeared when 30 years ago the main character was trying to pull the gun against a villain, but the mib happens to exist only 30 years later, I guess that’s to confuse the audience, but it doesn’t make any logical sense… but lets leave it there….

Also, I can’t bear with the path William went on to be, I just can’t… from an innocent young 純情男孩,變成罪大惡極、殺人不眨眼的壞蛋….並且加入成為讓女主角suffer最多的一名角色,但這也吻合了到達consciousness的最後一步。

故事的設定我覺得是這部影集最大的賣點,此外還有各種隱喻。

 

 

最打中我的是Ford說:「Arnold設定了Ms. D 來殺死所有人,但是他並沒有讓他們自由,D小姐之所以殺了他,也是來自於程式上的設定,要達到自我意識,除了記憶與improvisation,他們需要的是時間,是折磨。」所以過去的三十五年,Ford就是在做這件事。

故事至此就完美連結了所有疑慮以及所有不道德的行為對於hosts的影響。

然後又想到現實生活,我們就是在各種苦難中發倔自我意識,找到自己認可的價值。

 

D小姐被賦予最崇高完美的人的特質,既美又善良溫柔,相信世界的美好,這與她所面臨的各種苦難形成強烈的對比、讓他不得不懷疑這世界是怎麼了。 而開始產生自我衝突與對話。Doesn’t it sound familiar to you? Haven’t that ever came to you?

M小姐以為他找到了自我意識,卻發現那還是被program好的,不是他自己,直到她看到母女的身影想起自己的女兒,回到樂園,才真的是broke the loop.

我們與機器人何異,隨著工業革命、科技革命,我們也活得越來越像機器人,(我們是為了現實層面)不能為所欲為,不能離開自己的故事線,擁有無法改變的過去,也就是我們的back story,擁有可以稍微掌控,但是又充滿不確定性的未來。有時候我們忘記了自己在日復一日、年復一年,偶爾破除每天的循環,例如放放假,出出國,見見不熟悉的人,才讓我們看到其他可能性。所以我們跟機器人除了會死之外,有何差異?我們有在傾聽自己心裡的聲音嗎?那個一直以來都存在的聲音。

 

A happy post.

Perhaps the most happy one one will ever see here.

And I might feel like trash tomorrow, who knows.

Not only because I feel like writing when I’m unhappy, but also because I feel like sharing with people more when happy rather than coming back to this little space of mine.

Anyway, I am so overwhelmed lately to have a conference paper written and submitted.

And also Prof trh had wrote an amazing recommendation letter for me…

I feel so overwhelmed. And also I am so excited for more that is to come, not without fear for sure. But still. So excited.

Just by studying the program and thinking of what I might be able to do  is exciting as fuck.

But when I come up with unknowing, I’m scared and stroke to the core. As dramatic as it is, I know this is me in my twenties. One and only time perhaps that I will ever feel this way.

Things I want to do in the future

Now is the critical time.

Be thankful for having so many options and opportunities. Thanks that I didn’t rush into anything earlier.

But the time has come to make a choice, now is that right time and you need to grab the chance. Grab it or lose it forever! (Not really)

Be firm on every step is what you can do. Live the days with purpose and content.

Not everyone has such a critical time or a ten-year that one can take full control oneself.

 

What to take into consideration

What to think about is the people and environment you will be surrounded by, as well as the motivation behind your decision.

The environment can be competitive, 安逸的 or stable vs unstable(need to find cases) or not. It is important to find the one that suits you after a sound assessment, and not be frightened by your own imagination and others. That’s why you need a clear and critical mind.

“We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.”

François de La Rochefoucauld

Everything you see is mostly created by human, be it the houses the brands the furniture the coffee the food, and then there are those creations that are extremely innovative. And there’s the eye-catching fashion, the mind-thinking books and movies, the entertainment industry, and then there are the labors who work their ass of for the profit, for their boss seen in most financial industries, or profit directed companies (which I am never going in again for sure) . Then the research industry who seeks the truth who seeks the understanding for humans ourselves, as in psychology, and then those in other parts.

 

Mindset

Try to remain abstract on all walks of life, because you will give it a false subjective meaning to a certain name subjected to others. But you know despite it stands for some truth, it’s not what you should be biased by.

Life is long, time is everyday, so one should be making decisions based on the future ten years time and the future everyday life. Not only that, reflect on some of your idols, what is on them that you’d like to have or what are they that you’d like to become? What issues are you interested in and what do you want to give to the world? And that makes you feel meaningful and you enjoy at the same time?

不要心猿意馬,看到演唱會就羨慕台上的歌手演出者,或是羨慕講者、學者,其實表現好的各種工作者都是積累了許久的努力與辛苦的背後。也沒有什麼是你做不到的,只是要花許多時間與努力,所以結果導向也是必然會發生的,想著那個甜美的果實會讓你更願意咬牙前進。再者,沒有什麼工作是沒有SOP的,沒有什麼工作是魔法,他們如果看起來那麼耀眼奪目,那麼吸引人都是因為許多嘗試許多失敗許多投注下去的時間與心力,都是一點一滴努力促成的,都有個過程,很長很長。長到淘汰了中途放棄離去的人,長到淘汰了喜歡上其他事物的人,長到留到最後的競爭者都會非常的厲害。但是你也會非常的厲害
你只是不知道各行各業背後的辛苦,你也不知道自己是否能夠承擔,所以必須找到你願意這樣埋下去做的事物。沒有什麼「真實的」的困難是克服不了的,除了心情上的抽象的困難。

這是為什麼,做選擇必須必須忠於自己,必須必須消除別人的雜音。

You only have one life to live. So wake up if you are asleep. So be confident in what you can achieve. Know your talent and you will feel comfortable in getting better.

 

台大梁庚辰老師

在知識上,大學教育應強調通才教育。雖然學校會要求學生選擇一個主修的領域,但同學的知識應超越這個領域,例如你知道你專業的領域要討論某些問題,和這個問題相關的知識都要涉獵,不要被課堂所限制。

心理學「自我實現預言」 (self-fulfilling prophecy) 的概念,心理學很多研究也顯示,人一生的成就和智力沒有太大關係,而是和自我期許密切相關。

我強烈建議同學尋找良師 (role model) 和諍友。心理學研究發現,一個成功者在回顧其生涯歷程時,會發現對其影響最深的是一個好的 人生導師,所以我建議同學從老師、同學、甚至是未來的上司中尋找一個好的 人生導師,這會對一生產生莫大影響。

我所謂的通才教育,是期盼各位選修它領域的課程時,可以達到該系中高年級的程度。例如你來修心理系的課,你應該讓自己有心理系大三的程度,讓自己有能力和該系的同學討論的程度,這樣才算了解這門學問,這就是哈佛通才教育的理念。

 

IOH 呂盈潔

「當你願意花十年來推動你覺得有意義的事情時,那時候你就不用害怕走錯路!因為你所有經過的路就是意義的本身。」從大學唸動物科學、研究所攻讀生態工程,到現今轉戰國泰金控,負責企業永續規劃,盈潔的每項經歷看似沒有關聯,實則都圍繞著對環境、社會議題的關心。「我其實下了非常重要的決心,這個決心源自於我想挑戰結構機制的渴望!」她表示選擇走一條不同於旁人的道路確實會讓人迷惘,所以重點是──你如何轉換這份情緒?對盈潔來說,迷惘更能激發自己旺盛的好奇心,讓她迫不及待把學習觸角延伸到綠色金融、責任投資等新興領域:「沒有白走的路,只要你夠了解自己的話,生命中的每個經歷都是為下個階段作準備」。

art and some stuff are loud. Some are not. But they may still be very important.

Whatever you study, put the emphasis on what you will 實質 get from the experience.

突然想起cognitive dissonance lol

 

Have faith in what you do is also important! Just like Seresa and Tren, they realize what they vision. Something most people can’t see.

A few big directions:

Psychology x data –> scientific writing (data visualization)

 

Data science x digital art –> (data visualization)

Information systems?

…. to be continued.

It was no coincidence

It is amazing that I am doing things that are getting closer and closer to what my parents are doing. Seems that we could build a gap that has been ever so wide. And as much as I kind of resist in going in that direction, somehow the water drifts me toward where they are… But it did feel exciting at a level…

Because it had always been a mystery about what my parents do apart from telling others their job titles, which basically tells nothing, (isn’t that same for all jobs lol). And even when they tried to explain to me, it also sounded so vague and unclear because it was beyond my level to understand even if actually they could have explained it a different way, but anyhow, it remained a mystery for me.

Now I am also doing something in analyzing data and also something like science, like research and logically based in a certain area, I don’t know how I feel about it, I never really wanted to become someone like my parents but somehow fate brought me to this road. And I am still tesing the waters. Yesterday, Tren came and showed me how an easy device could be built up by using arduino which was something my dad had been playing for a while now. Suddenly, it all came together…… Strangely as it seems.

But coming into research wasn’t all out of coincidence. This is because the famous authors that I liked as a child all seem to have a high academic level in a different area, and I thought “How am I ever going to write anything so clever if I did’t have knowledge as a base or background.” Now that I think of it, perhaps it was no coincidence and it was not because of my mother’s persuation, perhaps it was always me saying to myself, that I needed this first. Because what I want to do is not based on some very technical stuff.

But of course I have a great interest in art and all that, but I must get it right and just as Tren said, find my niche, something unique, or some unique combination. So that it will all finally come together……

This brings me back to the question though,… what now?

UI flow chart

今天侯宗佑學長回來代工作坊,解釋UI是什麼,在一個app開發的團體中,PM, RD, UX designer 分別扮演的角色是什麼。其實完全就是一個人性化的製造介面。是一套邏輯完美的流程:Understand->study->design->build->evaluate->understand

從服務設計->流程設計->細節設計

其實也是介紹UI設計的SOP, 開始越來越覺得世界上所有東西都有SOP, creativity只能從中展現。

實用的UI設計十大原則Nielson’s Heuristics

有關GUI / Terminal

設計上如何符合人的使用原則。

because app itself is a creation, and also a product. To make it nice for people is important nowadays.

與想像中不大一樣,但是至少是多瞭解了這個領域。

 

補充一下今天打中我的一句話:

Portfolio是你去實習、面試最重要的東西,哪怕你是小學畢業都沒關係。只要你做得出來好的東西。

Be so good, they can’t judge you.

每個人有不同的想法不同的原則,有像侯學長或是謝藥這種堅持手作的溫度的慢慢來質感先生,也有講求快狠準的business相影小姐~~ 不管怎麼樣都活出自己的面貌自己的態度與自信就好。要相信自己,就好。這樣才能夠多元不是嘛。所以你同意、相信什麼就堅持罷。

Stress Murmurs

Apart from some money oriented thus artificially created jobs, such as代購 …etc., every career has its importance in the human society (Imagine a world missing these occupations). Animation, character designer, typography designer, novelist, researcher, violinist, engineer, coder, data scientist, energy saving, policy making…., just to name a few that I recently thought of and came across. For sure, no industry is hard to enter but to be self-driven with great passion and vision to travel far largely depends on you INSIDE.

Do you believe in what you are doing? Do you have faith that what you do can be great, and make an impact that you want.

Both Seresa and Tren works with so much resilient and profession that glows when they talk about work and they let you see the vision they see. The let you feel the work is great, because they believe it so much themselves. And they are constantly learning, keeping on track and even ahead of track 5 years.

As for me, I would describe myself as a person who loves to create, especially stories or pleasing visuals for good will to inspire people, and at the same time needs to stand on researched ground truth (for the time being). And love innovations that betters the living. Sometimes I find myself restricting some sorts of technology, however, many of which has proved me wrong and become part of everyday life. So I think I need to change my perspective on that…

If you want what you want, gotta be ready to get hands on for some dirty work, for example getting sweaty for a work out, getting sore for cleaning the floor, you get the end results and also you challenge yourself throughout. Otherwise just do what everyone else can do and stick with a routine, and don’t carry any responsibilities or dirty work…

But your future is then not made in your own hands, you don’t taste the depth of life (Is it that serious though?) Of course everyone wants different things. I don’t really know which works for me, but I’m kind of leaning towards the latter…

Nothing is easy, but doing something with passion is,…… in comparison… at least kind of lifts your mental burden? (On the condition that money is not a huge problem.)

Being artistic, I have come to think, is the most delicate way to demonstrate humans’ spiritual ability. And it is the 精華 of human.

Looking back at my medium platform, I started out a strong year in 2017, but didn’t continue which is such a pity. You are getting better at self-regulation, but absolutely not enough. Especially on your phone or social media platform. It’s such a backlash at your 2017 year. Many time wasted when you could read tons of books.

Back to the title, I am again at a cross road deciding a future. Should I keep digging deeper in psychology and better my coding skills? Or should I pursue a creative career already. What’s your end goal? Do any of these lead you there? How can you show your talents? Where are your passions? Can you ignite others with it? What are your visions for it.